


Genocide

by ViolaceousBorealis



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Explicit Language(for safety), Gen, Other, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-21 22:24:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 6,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6060210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViolaceousBorealis/pseuds/ViolaceousBorealis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After completing True Pacifist, I set out to play Genocide.  Why not record my thoughts and feelings as I go as a sort of experiment?  Documentation of how the journey changes a person for better or for (most likely) worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Entry 01

**Author's Note:**

> I will upload an entry a day, each entry it's own chapter. Length will vary. SPOILERS ahead, you have been warned.

**February 3rd - Day One**

Today, I started the Genocide Route in Undertale. Me and V had already finished Pacifist, so I'm free to do as I wish. She refuses to take part in this, trading roles with our friend Michael. She is now the narrator and Michael is the select keys. I of course keep my position as arrow keys. It's a little hard to play because of the order of our seats, my arm and Michael's overlap and cross while we play. He still voices Mettaton and Asgore, V still voices Toriel, Muffet, and Alphys, I still voice Papyrus, Undyne, Sans, Flowey, and child Asriel. Today, we got as far as Toriel's house. We've killed Froggits, Whimsums, Moldsmols, pretty much at least one of everything. I'm almost surprised with myself. I'm not feeling as bad as I thought I would be. Huh. We're grinding LV in order to fight Toriel tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it. I'm doing this because I want to say that I did it. I want to be able to say I played the Genocide Route. I mean, V and I did Omega Flowey and Asriel in one go, Asgore too so it should be a bit easier to deal with. My only concern is Sans. But no matter what, I will not lose to him. I will succeed where Michael failed. I will stay determined.


	2. Entry 02

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "-----" denotes time change, a few hours or so.

**February 4th - Day Two**

It's morning. Just thought I'd note that I just felt an impending sense of doom. I'm about to cross the threshold into a very dark place. After I do this, I don't think I can go back. I got my happy ending already, and Flowey himself nearly begged me to leave it that way. I'm far too curious though. "Curiosity killed the cat" they say, "but satisfaction brought it back" is what they never tell you.

\----

It's done. We killed Toriel in one hit. It was easier than I thought it would be. "Do you really hate me this much" she asked. I don't hate you, Toriel. You were just in my way. I never noticed before, but her sprite actually had color on it in battle. She has - had brown eyes. She died laughing at least. I would be lying if I said I don't feel an iota of remorse. And then we spoke with Flowey. I truly wasn't expecting him to partner with us. Anyways, we left the ruins. Having completed only the Pacifist route, I was not expecting Sans to be so...savage. Like damn. His dialogue is absolutely fantastic though, love it. As expected, the rest of the dialogue has changed as well. We killed the Snowman, and you know the switch the map covered in snow was pointing to? It had already been pressed BY FLOWEY. HOLY SHIT. I, again, was surprised. We got to Dogamy and Dogaressa before we had to stop for today. Michael is a great partner for this run. Though he doesn't much care to do it over again, I'm glad he's on the keys rather than V. I can see the faint disgust in your eyes when you look at me, my friend. No matter. Another day, another battle.


	3. Entry 03

**February 5th - Day Three**

All we did was grind today. Who knew there were so many Ice Caps outside Snowdin? Also, I think the red text that appears when we save is Chara. Also, FLOWEY HAS DEACTIVATED ALL OF THE PUZZLES IN OUR WAY. I DIDN'T KNOW HE WOULD HELP US!


	4. Entry 04

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on my phone so excuse any mistakes or the shortness of the chapters

**February 8th - Day Four**

Papyrus is dead. I felt sad for about a few moments because he said he believed in me; he believed I could still change the path I set myself on. The sadness changed, however, into a kind of cold and hollow feeling in my chest. I can't really say it feels good to have killed him, or any positive adjectives really. I mean, even Michael felt bad. He'd already passed that part on his file. We stole from the shop. Stealing in games is nothing new to me. We did some more grinding and moved through Waterfall. I'm starting to get used to the traps being fixed for us. Flowey isn't such a bad guy after all. Though the part where in Pacifist, Papyrus would meet with Undyne, kinda hit me with the difference. She was waiting for him and he never came. I can sympathize, though do not think I regret the actions taken. I can't wait to see her dialogue change. We survived our first encounter with her, the one where she throws spears from behind the pillars, with minimal damage. Monster Kid is the only monster still around. How naive can they be? They're cute and all, don't get me wrong. When I was a child, if the adults ran for cover you did too. Especially when they knew what disaster was passing by.


	5. Entry 05

**February 9th - Day Five**

It's morning again. We'll probably be spending the day grinding up LV in order to not die when fighting Undyne.

\-----

We literally did nothing today because I was distracted by other activities...it was hoola hooping, okay. HOOLA HOOPING WAS MY CHILDHOOD OKAY, HOW COULD I RESIST!?

\-----

It's night now and I just gotta put this down. My male parental figure, sister, and I are going to the movies. As we're crossing over the bridge, I look around for the moon. At first, I think it's not out tonight. Then I see it. A dark orange crescent just above the horizon. It was as beautiful as it was chilling. To me, that kind of moon is the sort that bad things happen under. I can't help but think it ties into this Genocide run even though it's just nature being creepy.


	6. Entry 06

**February 10th - Day Six**

Nothing happened today because I got sick and was unable to even leave the house, much less my bedroom and the bathroom. I swear, I'll do my best to get caught up tomorrow.


	7. Entry 07

**February 11th - Day Seven**

I resisted the call of hoola hooping because I promised I would get caught up. We killed the rest of the monsters in Waterfall and met up with Monster Kid. Napstablook and all his snails were gone so there was really nothing to do but press on. I have mixed feelings about Monster Kid. They're an idiot, but the idiocy is kind of cute. Ah, a child's naivety (is that even a word?) is refreshing. At this point, I was wondering if we would have to kill Monster Kid. My gut reaction was to express displeasure and sadness at the thought. I pushed that away instantly and told myself to think about it when the time came. Well, the time soon came. I couldn't help but be sarcastic in answering the dialogue of MK. I again expressed displeasure upon hovering over the FIGHT option. I was surprised at my own attachment to this miniscule character. I did nothing to stop Michael from pressing the button because I myself said everyone standing in my way shall taste my blade. I was prepared for anything but Undyne jumping in the way of our attack. She took the hit for the kid. SHE TOOK THE HIT FOR THE KID. I wasn't expecting that. There I sit, thinking we just killed Undyne. THEN SHE TRANSFORMS INTO UNDYNE THE UNDYING. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!? Then we start attacking her and she's SO HARD TO KILL. We had our first death because of her, because we ran out of time and I couldn't dodge her attacks. Like, damn lady. I like this version of her though. Though I enjoyed Pacifist Undyne, I find I am liking the Undying. We'll kill her tomorrow, or the next day at latest.


	8. Entry 08

**February 12th - Day Eight**

God FUCKING DAMMIT. The Undying is proving to be troublesome. We keep dying, even when Michael and I switch jobs. I'm better at dodging than him, even with the shitty keys and he's better at hitting the center of the attack scale. At most, we can get her down to half her HP then somebody fucks up. It's making me angry and angry B is not fun or nice. I don't think I like Undying anymore. God damn bean fortunes comin' true. This is such horse shit.


	9. Entry 09

**February 16th - Day Nine**

We failed yet again to defeat Undyne, which especially sucks since I managed to beat her for a friend who's also doing Genocide. I was one hit away from killing her today. So. Goddamned. Close. I figured that I can actually get farther doing both sets of keys than with a partner. No offense to Michael, but I trust myself far more than anyone else. I'm getting far angrier than I should playing this boss fight over and over. Then again, this is me I'm talking about. I get mad at just about everything. My emotional state remains the same. I am not completely heartless in the sense that I do not feel a minuscule stabbing pain in my chest every time another falls before me. Yet I am not so caring that I will cry over every death. I admit I feel remorse, but not enough to quit or feel downright regretful. The more I think about it, the more hollow I feel. So stop thinking, says the voice inside. You've committed yourself to this path and you swore you'd see it through, it says. I know, I know. If only it were as easy to do as it was to say.


	10. Entry 10

**February 17th - Day Ten**

FUCKING FINALLY. CHRIST ON A BICYCLE. I, myself, beat Undyne today. I was so hopped up on adrenaline I was shaking. We were able to get into the Lab today and talk to Mettaton. I am liking the dialogue changes with him. "This world needs more stars than corpses." True that, home slice. I should note that we killed the royal guards too. Man, those guys were one of my OTPs! We struck them down though, and I don't feel the least bit bad about it. We ended the day grinding…again. But hey, grinding is very calming after you've been raging about not being able to beat a tough enemy. We'll most likely be grinding all of tomorrow too.


	11. Entry 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but true, sorry.

**February 18th - Day Eleven**

We didn't get to do anything because Michael wasn't there today.


	12. Entry 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this work, expect uploads in the late night.

**February 19th - Day Twelve**

Luckily, Michael was here. Grinding didn't actually take as long as usual. I was surprised how fast it went by, we cleared The Core. We got to the moment just before Mettaton reveals his NEO form before having to stop. Something I must say though. This fight may kill me a little inside. Mettaton is my favorite character, other than Satanweed. I also really like Burgerpants. Of course, he's still in the resort. He's having a ball, since no one is around to bother him. Instead of calling us little buddy, he calls us little weirdo. I think Michael is still creeped out about how well V and I do Catty and Bratty. Anyways, Mettaton. He's my favorite, I love him...platonically. I might have some feelings after this, if we don't one-shot him like most of the others. We also killed Muffet. It was a little sad and a little cute that a spider left a flower where she turned to dust. I hate spiders though, so I wasn't too bothered. Muffet is V's favorite other than Grillby.  
To be honest, I am feeling things. I can't identify specifically what but they're definitely not happy. I'm seeing all these genocide comics that people are drawing and they're making me sad. Sad is not good when I'm nearly to Sans. He will deal me the most deaths out of all and I need to be prepared. I can't help feeling because feeling is human. Oh, the beating heart within the cage of bones and veil of flesh that is my body. Why do you hurt me so?

\-----

I realize how stupid I ended that last part but I'm a fucking dork so what does it matter? God, I wish I was better at words.


	13. Entry 13

**February 22nd - Day Thirteen**

We'll probably be fighting Mettaton today. No, we will be fighting Mettaton today...okay then...I'll just have to wait and see in a few hours how I feel after the deed is done.

\-----

Mettaton actually wasn't as bad as I thought. I was sad, yes, a smidgen more than usual but what was coming next consumed all thought and feeling I had. I almost forgot that he was the next boss and when I remembered again, the mere thought sent adrenaline coursing through my veins. Flowey's monalogue distracted me long enough to feel some of that sadness again. I knew he as a character was pretty heart wrenching but damn, that was nearly agonizing. I wish in some way that I could comfort him, but he backed off pretty quick when he realized he feared what I'd become.  
Entering that sunlit room brought the adrenaline back full force. I was shaking, my skin had goose bumps. It was full on apprehension. I said I wasn't prepared, and I was very correct in thinking that. On the first attack, I nearly died. I had 1HP. Needless to say, we were fucked. I died, then Michael took over to show me what to anticipate. He managed to get to the halfway point before arriving at death. And Sans, FUCKING SANS, keeps counting how many times we've died. He's so harsh and angry in his words and I'm being completely honest here, I love it. I'm a sucker for angry or sad monologues because I myself am a writer. I usually write stuff like that so I'm naturally inclined to take a liking to that sort of speech. Anyways, yes, I had a tremor of the heart today. Having previously completed Pacifist, the dialogue was killing me. He goes on about there still being something good way deep down inside of the player, that someway we can still be a good guy. "Under different circumstances, we could've been pals." I feel it. I feel my heart trembling emotionally and physically. Sans is making me face the emotions I'm trying to lock down. We've only died seven times and it's already beginning, this snowball of feels. This isn't supposed to be happening this early. First Bioshock Infinite, now this. Shit.

\-----

Being completely and totally honest here. I feel something crawling on my back. Just a little while ago, I pinched a nerve in my lower right back, numbing my entire right leg and making it impossible for me to bend in the slightest. Perhaps it was just me being an idiot (all I did was crouch to give the cat a treat) but maybe, just maybe this has something to do with Sans. I like Megalovania and all, but for how long can I put up with it until it drives me insane?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might be able to play tomorrow with my shit back and all.


	14. Entry 14

**February 23rd - Day Fourteen**

It's been fourteen business days since beginning this Genocide run…happy anniversary to us, I guess.

\-----

Thirteen deaths in total. I made it a little more than halfway through the battle before we had to stop. It's just me doing this now. I think Michael thought I could do better by myself rather than with him for now cuz I'm getting really fucking angry at this. Not like I'll kill a bitch angry, more like irritated just die already angry. I've gotten the base patterns down, it's just that first attack that gets me. The up and down arrow keys are very very small and close to each other on the keyboard so it's really fucking hard to move in those directions. I got stubby ass fingers, okay? I realized though that the longer it takes to beat him; the more I suffer, the better victory will feel. I look forward to seeing that idiotic expression on his face when he realizes that he made a mistake in underestimating me. I'll make him regret ever standing in my way, regardless of how many times he kills me. I have infinite chances, Sans only has one.

\-----

If there's one thing I'm not, it's a quitter.


	15. Entry 15

**February 24th - Day Fifteen**

I had a dream that my entire math class was playing Undertale and they were just starting out and since I was already on Sans, they kinda gathered around and watched me fail. But they thought I was pretty darn cool for not dying right away though! Then the dream shifted to me and my friends deciding that we wanted to visit the mountain that Bruce Wayne went to get his training, but we only went to check out all the pretty flowers. The first thing I do is whip out SnapChat. Then somehow we get pulled into an assassination plot that has nothing to do with the League of Shadows, they're just guys being dicks. We end up being the heroes of this small mountain community but only they know so when we leave, it was like it never happened. Fuckin' dreams, right?

\-----

Thanks to CompletelyRandomPerson for the tip, the Sea Tea helped. There was, however, a problem with holding all of the keys at once. I did it but as it turns out, MICHAEL'S GODDAMN COMPUTER DOESN'T RECOGNIZE THE ACTION WHEN ALL THE KEYS ARE HELD AT THE SAME TIME. THIS IS SUCH FUCKING BULLSHIT. The death count in total is now nineteen. I got a little farther than yesterday, hence my mentioning of the tip I received. I got his attack, the one I like to call Gravitational Pull because it's FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE TO ESCAPE. I already disliked gravity but now I downright despise it. FUCK. V, bless her little pacifist heart, got chills when I reached that part. That being his most famous attack, I don't blame her. Be it nineteen or ninety deaths, I will succeed. I have to succeed. There will be no turning back, it's far too late for that.

\-----

I have to stay away from sad comics and videos if I'm to do this. I know that if I look at them, they will slip past my emotional armor. Can't have that, especially not now.


	16. Entry 16

**February 25 - Day Sixteen**

Perhaps eating breakfast will help? Even though I only ate two or three bites of eggs and all the bacon. I HAD A FUCKING DREAM THAT I BEAT SANS, THIS IS NOT OKAY BRAIN. DON'T TEASE ME LIKE THAT.

\-----

I got through his first attack without losing health but then I fucked up. There was a lot of swearing, screaming, and middle fingers. Other than that, not much happened. The death count was I believe somewhere around twenty three or twenty five.

\-----

Nothing like Thin Mints to soothe the gaping hole of darkness where there was once a heart. Yummy.


	17. Entry 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late, I stayed up until 4 am playing Skyrim! -u-'''''

**February 26th - Day Seventeen**

Thanks to LG312 for the immense list of tips! I wasn't able to try them all out but the ones I did helped. Me and Michael worked out a system. He's able to do the first half of the fight easily, without losing too much health on a good try. When he reaches the halfway point where Sans "spares" you, that's when I take over. That way, one of us doesn't have to scream all the time and it's more of a partnership experience. The death count was twenty six, I wanna say? Twenty seven? We average about six deaths a day. Counting aside, a miracle happened today. Not the miracle of victory, sadly, but one I'm ecstatic about. For once, I survived the Gravitational Pull attack. I watched and listened for the audio cue and was able to avoid the bones! Sure, I have 1 HP and if I move I'll fucking die but yay! If I can do it this once, I can do it again. The entire time I was dodging, my screaming got progressively louder and higher pitched until it ended. Then, I just kinda flailed around in surprise and excitement.


	18. Entry 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tips are really coming in handy, many thanks!

**February 29th - Day Eighteen**

Leap day today. Some near magical shit happened today. I was so GODDAMN close in beating him today. So FUCKING close. I was one or two away from his special attack. You don't understand. I was so hopped up and adrenaline and stress that when I died, I physically started crying. Shit, man. Stress crying sucks. It gets better, though. Five minutes after our session ended and I'm sitting down to work on an animation project, I'm still so hopped up and distressed that I nearly vomited from my seat. God, it was horrible. So close. Michael keeps beating himself up when he loses health on the first half of the fight. Don't do that, bro. I believe in you. We'll murder this cyan fucktard together, my friend. I have also been spewing out a slew of random swears and curses ranging from "rasberry skelebastard" to "fucking asshole shithead". Do pardon my language, but I get sweary when I'm angry. Ugh. Fuck. Death count around 37. I got farther than Michael ever did on fewer deaths so there's that at least.


	19. Entry 19

**March 1st - Day Nineteen**

Got close again, though not as close as yesterday. We regaled Michael with the tales of past D&D campaigns, since he'll be joining us on Friday. He's getting better at dodging and so am I. The death count is forty one, give of take one or two.

\-----

Thought I should mention we won't be playing tomorrow. Me and V's schedules suddenly filled up so tomorrow's break day. Again, thanks for the tips and warnings. You know who you are. We usually only have time for approximately thirty minutes of gameplay. We'll possibly be getting together on Friday for a few hours to get this done. If we don't, well...that's what's great about reloading.


	20. Entry 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about yesterday, things out of our control popped up.

**March 3rd - Day Twenty**

Twenty business days have passed since I began. I might actually beat him today, depending on the third party governing the space we're using. Me and Michael will be in the same place, along with our friend T but sadly V doesn't see us until around noon. It's not that I'm tired of doing this battle over and over, but the repetitive cycle of loading fighting dying is wearing me down, physically and mentally. Every day I'm consumed with thoughts about the fight, and afterwards my body is wracked with adrenaline. Whatever force be it celestial or earthly that presides over the potential victory of this battle, let me win. I'm on the verge of becoming desperate.

\-----

I didn't beat him. The aforementioned third party wouldn't allow us to play. I have a good feeling about tomorrow though! Everyone will be in the same place for once. Michael, me, V, P, and T. They'll get to laugh at me for continuously dying. Hooray!


	21. Entry 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late upload! I had a very busy weekend and was unable to upload.

**March 4th - Day Twenty One**

Well, we didn't beat him. We could've but FUCKING V, I LOVE YOU MY FRIEND BUT I ALSO FUCKING HATE YOU. She neglected to tell me the little surprise near the end of Sans' second to last attack. The one with all the FUCKING bones and you have to move up and down to avoid them? SHE DIDN'T WARN ME ABOUT THE LITTLE GRAVITY PIEACE NEAR THE END. FFUUUUCCCKKKK.

\-----

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK! I almost beat him again! I GOT TO THE WHEEL OF GASTER BLASTERS AND I FUCKING DIED. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. V was unable to attend, but everybody else was there. P laughed, T tried to be supportive even though she doesn't agree with my choices. Michael was impressed. Shit, dude. I almost cried again. Thanks to you, who warned me about the GB wheel. I appreciate the effort though I was woefully unprepared.


	22. Entry 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for the late upload. I'm unusually tired as of late.

**March 7th - Day Twenty Two**

Not much happened other than Michael has something wrong with his ear so he can't really hear and he got tired of fighting so he handed the controls over to me. I only got to the halfway point before time ran out for the session. I hope he doesn't quit on me. I think of he does, I'll never win this. It's not helping that I keep seeing sad shit on the internet and all over Facebook. I'm trying not to look but these eyes are always drawn to tragedy.


	23. Entry 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all who are giving me tips and encouragement! I appreciate it very much!

**March 8th - Day Twenty Three**

Let me note here because I forgot in the last entry, the death count I believe is sixty. Fucking sixty. Great. Michael hopes we'll finally beat him on the sixty ninth try. Ha, yes we're children in grown bodies.

\-----

I got to the long attack again but the FUCKING keys keep tripping me up. Michael's ear healed up but his teeth started acting up again. I think he might've been crying at one point but I'm very unsure. Hope you feel better, buddy. The count is sixty three I think. I don't think we'll beat him on sixty nine but I don't really care if it's sixty nine or six hundred ninety, we'll get him eventually. Michael keeps losing health on the first half or "easy half" as he calls it, which when compared to the latter half is true I guess. I don't get mad at him but I feel he's beating himself up over it because he's done it so much he should be able to do it with minimal loss. It's okay, friend, you just have off days and good days. If anything, it's my fault he has to keep doing this. If I could stop fucking up when it counts then we would be done with all of this. That and no matter how much we fail, my stubbornness won't allow me to give up. If I give up, I know I'll regret it later. I'll be one of the weak-willed that couldn't complete the challenge. I refuse to give up. I'll see this through until either Sans dies or my will to go on does. Whether one or the other, something's going to crumble at the end of this.


	24. Entry 24

**March 9th - Day Twenty Four**

I FUCKING DID IT! I FUCKING KILLED HIM! HALLELUJAH! SWEET JESUS! You have no idea of the intense wave of adrenaline that crashed over me while fighting. I was quite literally shaking where I sat. I SURVIVED THE PINWHEEL OF DEATH! The entire time, I was screeching so I imagine I received a few looks since our space isn't private. But holy fucking hell I did it. Wanna know something else? I did it on try sixty eight. SIXTY EIGHT. MICHAEL WAS OFF BY ONE! Anyways, he's going on about how he'll just keep me there forever until I quit. Me, being the snarky ass that I am, say that I have mad patience. I do, after all this shit I've gone through during this whole thing. During this I had tears in my eyes; tears of joy and relief. I'm done, I'm finally done with him. And yes, Sans, I did this because I can. Fight me, oh wait you did, and you LOST. Fucking V though. While he was falling asleep, she said to go to one of the walls of the box. I did as she promised I wouldn't get hurt. I touched the wall and I hear the noise of his magic and I see the flash of his eye. I didn't get hurt but I got the shit scared out of me. Fuck you, V.  
On a more serious note, what Sans said just before dying really hit me more than I let on. "well, i'm going to grillby's." I thought what an idiot. "papyrus, you want anything?" That right there hit me more than I let on. Now I'm thinking. Did I really have to do all of this? Did I have to ruin everything they had? If the answer is yes, why? Why? Because you have to, the voices say in unison. You got the happy ending you worked so hard for, only to go back and tear it all down because you were too curious for your own good. You should regret it.

I should, but really, I don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the end


	25. Entry 25

**March 10th - Day Twenty Five**

Today might be the last day I ever play Undertale. In a few months, Michael will be leaving us and it's his laptop we're using. After he leaves, we may never see him again because of how the way things are right now. I hope we all can still stay in contact and continue our friendship. He's a really cool guy. On another note, Sans. I woke up this morning and remembered the events of yesterday. The excitement and relief came back all over again though I can't help but be apprehensive about what's coming. This whole diary (I loathe calling it a diary but it's the best word synonymous with what I'm doing) was meant to be a documentation of transition of mental and emotional state. I feel it's coming to an end and looking back at the responses of not only my friends but the online viewers, I think I can say that it's almost exactly like I expected it to be. The Genocide Run of Undertale is most definitely arduous and heart-wrenching if you allow it to be. My personal feelings of sadness and disgust come and go like the ocean's tide. Some times I am fine and others I am on the verge of tears. The first time I saw True Pacifist, I almost cried. Around that time, I figured that I wanted to see Genocide. Then I get the chance to do it all myself. Why not? Curiosity.

\-----

What have I done? What have I FUCKING done?

Asgore. Flowey. Chara. I commend the twist at the end but to ask the question again, what have I done? I chose to end it all. I chose to destroy everything. I...I didn't want to. I didn't want to erase it all but I chose so because it was what I had to do to get the ending I thought I wanted. I died and then I thought I was done with it. I thought then that it was time to delve into the rising waters of self-doubt and sorrow.

I was wrong.

I sold my soul to the devil to restore what I destroyed. I erased it all first because I thought it would be better for them if I did along with the reason above. I didn't quite realize the gravity of my choice yet. Then I gave my soul to Chara to bring it all back as if nothing happened. What was the point of this!? Why did I think this would end without consequences!? Why did I decide this was ever a good idea!? I slaughtered these innocent people because I wanted to fucking see what happened! I kept going and going until there was no one left standing in my way. Toriel tried to protect her people, Papyrus just wanted to be friends, Undyne was doing her duty, Mettaton was trying to do as he was programmed, Sans was trying to teach me a lesson, Asgore didn't even see it coming and Flowey…he didn't deserve it.

None of them deserved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One final entry then I'm done.


	26. The Finale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After twenty days of emotional recovery, the final chapter.

**March 30th - Interview with the Author**

How did playing the Genocide Route after the Pacifist Route change your views of the characters if at all?

Well, the Pacifist run allowed me to get attached to the characters. It allowed me to interact with them on personal levels like going on "dates", participating in little puzzles and games, or discovering secrets about them. Through that process, I learned about each and every character and grew to love them as if they were real. Playing Genocide afterwards...I got to see the darker side of the game. I was able to see that the characters I met in Pacifist were so much more than what they seemed. The changes in demeanor and dialogue were a result of how I, the player, acted.

By playing both routes, these characters have so much more depth to them and it breaks my heart every time my mind wanders back around to Undertale.

Did you feel any kind of positive emotion while playing the Genocide Route?

At first I felt a mixture of nervousness and excitement. I had been purposely refraining from watching anyone play a Genocide run because I wanted to go in with no prior knowledge of the story. I felt minute sadness around Toriel's death but it really started to set in after Papyrus. At Undyne, I felt anger because she kept killing me. The anger temporarily blocked all else out. Afterwards, the hollow feeling in my chest not only returned but I began to feel a sort of coldness in my heart. It was only only immediately after defeating Sans that the hollowness became full blown sadness. The excitement I had from finally beating him didn't last as I powered through the last bits of the game. Whatever positive feelings I had quickly changed into what has been the deepest despair I've ever felt so far in my life.

Which fight was the most difficult as in an emotional battle with yourself? Or rather who did you like killing the least?

That's a hard question to answer. I didn't necessarily enjoy killing any of the characters but if I had to narrow the list I'd say it was a tie between Mettaton, Papyrus, and Flowey for main characters. For minor characters I would say a tie between Shyren, the Royal Guards, and Tsunderplane. Mettaton because he's one of my favorite characters of all time. Papyrus because his defeat dialogue was heart-wrenching. Flowey because even after all the shit he's pulled, his entire existence and view on life is fucking sad as hell. (Author starts tearing up) Shyren because the poor thing didn't do anything you ing to deserve it. The Royal Guards because they're my OTP. Tsunderplane because I really liked the character from the get go and they didn't even get to confess their feelings.

Do you think that by giving us the choice to kill or to spare, Toby Fox is showing us that some of us are inherently bad?

No, I don't believe that's true. I think Mr. Fox is trying to teach us a lesson whether intentional or not about making choices. The decisions we make dictate the events that happen around us. Some people make good choices, others may make bad ones. Depending on the action the player chooses to do, sparing or killing, decides the reactions of the other characters and changes in the story line. I don't believe that people are born evil, it's just a matter of how they're raised, their environment, and how they choose to act in life. By giving us options, Toby Fox is showing us a cause/effect with the different story lines. What we can do and what we should do are two very different things with two very different outcomes.

Who would you spare in the Genocide Route if it still meant you got the same ending?

Again, a hard question. Hmm...either Papyrus or Flowey.

Why that character?

Papyrus because he did nothing that warrented killing him. He still believed in me even until the moment of his death. If I couldn't spare Pap, I would spare Flowey because he's already been through enough. He had already been killed once before and brought back without his soul, that's already shitty enough. He begged me not to kill him and I believe that the fear he portrayed was genuine despite his general lack of emotions.

Do you think it would be easier to go back through the Genocide Route now that you've completed it?

From a mental perspective, yes I could go back and do it faster with fewer deaths. However from an emotional view, no I couldn't do it. If you asked me to do it all over again, I would flat out refuse. Just the thought of it turns my stomach upside down and tears my heart in two. Not even if you paid me.

\-----

Done. I'm finally fucking done.

\-----

I'm sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end.

**Author's Note:**

> If this seems like something you don't care about, no harm taken if you don't read the rest of it. Just don't be an asshole and comment it's shitty, I'd prefer you keep your thoughts to yourself. To each their own, however.


End file.
